Wednesday, 5 March 2014

I want to find something I've wanted all along...Somewhere I belong.

One day I will write a new post that has nothing to do with Thirty Seconds To Mars.

Today is not that day.

As I write this I am sitting on my bathroom floor with my Surface (for some reason all my best ideas happen in the bathroom) and blasting Linkin Park’s second album Meteora. I am doing this because this morning this happened:

If you are unable to digest the level of awesome you just watched, I will break it down for you: that right there is the official promo for the Linkin Park-Thirty Seconds To Mars-AFI Carnivores Tour.

Yes. That’s right. Linkin Park and Thirty Seconds To Mars are going on tour in the US together. Like together together. Like they’ll be playing at the same show at the same time together. I mean…Is this even real life?? I know I have a habit of overreacting to just about everything (and attaching far too much significance on small events) but you guys…Linkin Park were my Mars before I had Mars. They were with me through my darkest and twist-iest times. They made me feel like I wasn’t the only one struggling to breathe in an unbearable world. I used to sit in the dark by myself and blast Meteora on a repeat loop for hours on end, just praying that things would get better. I’ll always be eternally thankful that Linkin Park gave the feelings inside me a voice. They helped me understand what I was going through.

Linkin Park made it okay for me to ‘feel my feelings’. When I’d put them on after school, my entire body would literally relax. I felt better just knowing that other people had felt this way and they lived to write about it. They lived to talk about it. It didn’t kill them, so it wouldn’t kill me either. I used to feel like ‘Somewhere I Belong’ and ‘Numb’ were my theme songs. Once I even wrote a detailed analysis about how they related to my life for my therapist when I was in high school (it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’ve been in therapy, kids. I’m all kinds of screwed up.) The line that spoke to me the most out of the two songs was:

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I’m close to something real

I want to find something I’ve wanted all along

Somewhere I belong.

Well. I can’t even type this sentence without smiling: I’ve found something real. I’ve found somewhere I belong. Linkin Park collected all my broken pieces and kept them safe, but it was Mars who glued me back together. And now because of these two bands, this is where I belong. Right here in this moment. I’ve finally found myself. This is who I really am inside. And for that reason, I NEED to go on this tour. Like it’s not even an option. There were a few hours there where I thought that maybe I couldn’t go, but you know what, I REFUSE to let anything stop me from living my dreams. Under the banner of Heaven I will DREAM OUT LOUD. I will live my life. Sometimes you just know with everything inside you that you are supposed to do something. That’s how I feel about this. I’m not sure what yet, but I honestly believe something good will come of this. Even if it’s just that I write more because now I REALLY need to sell some words and make some money :p Nothing can hold me back. Besides…I already bought the tickets :3 LA baby, here I come. Time to get lost in the City of Angels.

TITLE LYRICS: ‘Somewhere I Belong’ by Linkin Park, My Mars before I had Mars <33

UPDATE: I did go get lost in the City of Angels, and it was better than I ever could have dreamed. You can read about it HERE.